20/20

Yesterday, Andrew and I, being the sophisticated individuals we are, were having a very serious debate..... about women. We were discussing the positive and not-so-positive attributes of the women we knew. Most of the time, we came to a general consensus of the overall attractiveness of the girl. However, whenever we reached a girl we have a crush on or had a crush on, our opinions would be drastically different. If we currently liked the girl, the opinion was too positive making the girl seem more desirable than she really was. And if we no longer had a crush on her, the opinion was too negative making her seem lower than the dirt on the underside of our shoes. Somehow, our emotions were affecting our most unbiased decisions of the attractiveness of women. Upon further examination, we diagnosed these conditions, so other people would not fall victim to these severe cases of biasness. The first condition will be known as "lover’s blindness” or "crush glasses".

Those affected by "lover’s blindness" see only the positive attributes of their loved one many times amplified. Simple brown eyes are suddenly captivating pools of crystal which a lover can drown in for hours. The gentle personality of the girl can now only be compared to the disposition of Mother Teresa. Bootylicious is now used to describe an otherwise normal backside. These glasses distort the perception of the lover to make the crush seem like a goddess.

Why do you think the first few weeks of a relationship are the best? “Lover’s blindness”. Because the victim can’t see the faults, he thinks his girlfriend is perfect. They blissfully love each other until one day “lover’s blindness” begins to wear off. The second condition comes into play: “wrinkle awareness” or "crushed glasses".

“Wrinkle awareness” has the exact opposite effect of “lover’s blindness”. The positive attributes are forgotten and negative ones take their place. Like a pristine portrait which upon closer inspection has the tiniest wrinkle running down the middle of it. In fact, the little wrinkle just seems to get grow every day until the picture must be thrown out. Likewise, the captivating eyes of a lover are no longer as important as the huge nose obstructing her face. And the victim doesn’t know how to explain it. The nose never seemed that big before, but now that they are aware of it, it’s huge! The sudden change in awareness causes the victim to exaggerate the now-so-obvious faults.

The only treatment for wrinkle awareness is self awareness. The wearer must realize they are seeing through a lens of negativity, which magnifies the faults of the once pristine goddess. Only by tempering one’s point of view through practice of lover’s blindness and wrinkle awareness can one achieve optimal 20/20 vision again and judge the beauty of women accurately.

(Writer’s note: Yes, Andrew and I are shallow and are only perpetuating sexism. But are we the ones to blame for it? First ask yourself why girls dress like hoes then you may destroy us with a 2x4. But to further plead our case, we are simply artists looking for creatures who exemplify beauty and grace. We cannot be hindered by biasness, so like the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood before us, we are establishing a standard of beauty and can't be stopped by little things like sexism or feminism. Long live beauty/hotness!)

Future Women of America

The blog has been dying, so I've decided to post something just so Andrew isn't the only one trying to resuscitate it .
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Today I was cleaning my room and lo and behold I found an old e-mail from a girl, who I almost had a relationship with. No, I'm not trying to disprove the last twenty years of solitude in my life was by my choosing. (It was merely a series of unfortunate events. Too bad this title is already taken because I really could write a series about my life.) The interesting part of the e-mail isn't what she wrote, but what Daniel and I wrote about it.

First, I should clear up why Daniel would be looking at this e-mail at all. I being at the tender age of 17 needed a mentor to help me write back an appropriate response. I needed a wise man and I thought Daniel would be an appropriate role model because as we know, Daniel has soooo much experience. (Later on, this mistake would cost me dearly by destroying my chance with another woman. But THAT is a different story.)

He and I, being the sensitive men we are, analyzed the e-mail as if it were a piece of literature. We tried to see it from the female perspective, so we might be able to figure out what she was thinking and respond accordingly. We have the subject "Us" circled trying to ascertain why she would want to choose such a personal pronoun. Maybe it was a sign of the growing union between us? We even have a misspelled "Sooo" underlined to emphasize her reluctance to leave for that summer. Needless to say, he and I studied the three lines of text for many hours to try and plot the female infrastructure.

Finally, after analyzing the text for the writer's emotional state, we finally started working on a response. We kept the vocabulary casual, but just for shock effect, we added a semi colon because we know girls love grammar buffs. Grrrrr... baby would you like to see a colon used properly? One of the initial lines was "I'll be sure to call you." Upon a second review, we scratched out "be sure to" because perhaps the language was too strong for the gentle female. The carefully constructed e-mail was completed and sent. Surely, this would enflame her passion to wait to be together again at the end of summer.

I thought I would blog about this because finding this rough draft gave me a good laugh; the hours Daniel and I used to ponder how to "properly" talk to a member of the opposite sex. In actuality, the only weak, indecisive women around were us. You want to know what happened to my potential girlfriend. That summer, she found another guy and made out with him. Later on, it turned out he was gay. There goes all those hours of sensitively constructing an e-mail. I should have tossed aside these romantic ideas and just made out with her. GAH! Oh well, at least I have hilarious memories of sitting in my '92 Camry with my friend penning down the perfect e-mail response to a girl.

Late night ramblings.

I'm looking through my wardrobe now, deciding what to bring to school and I've realized a few things.

1) I am such a girl in terms of fashion. I can't believe I'm like...rotating clothes.

2) One of the main reasons I'm looking forward to the FACES conference in a few weeks is because it gives me an excuse to dress up for a week straight. Suits/sports coats/dress shirts/etc. Once again, reaffirming number 1.

3) I've made quite a few questionable buys. Random stuff that I'll never wear...what was I thinking? sigh*

4) I hope 5 years from now, I won't be blogging about number 3 again. Heck, in 5 years, I also hope I won't be a little loser and be blogging at 1:18 am. :)




Spring break has been .... interesting. Not too many people were home, and while it certainly was great to catch up with people like Alex and Stephanie (before she went back early to STUDY--if med schools are reading this to find out what kind of applicant she is: look how studious she is!!!! *cough nerd*), I also sadly came to the conclusion that there's not too much left for me back "home." Even though I don't find myself fitting into Stanford too much and definitely don't love it, it's still where most of my life is currently. I remember coming home last year, full of excitement, eager to reconnect to things of the past. But this time, I've spent some quality time with family and the aforementioned friends, but other than that have just kind of bummed around home. Oh, I also stimulated the economy rather significantly. Ya'll can thank me later. And that's not a good thing. TV/internet can get kind of boring, and I'm far from an avid reader or hobby-finder/doer. Instead I mope around home, feeling sorry for myself, namely because I realized I'm not particularly happy either at school or at home. Yet there are a billion things to be grateful for, and on the bright side, I think I've begrudgingly gained a new appreciation for school and the opportunities there.


Oh, and a new hypothesis! Most of you probably know how much I detest children. For example, I was dragged into Babies R' Us to shop for a gift for some baby shower my parents are going to. I was immediately greeted by a little twerp crying...I wanted to run away immediately. Ok I lie. I wanted to chuck the brat outside. :P But I digress. One possibility for this aversion to children may be because I'm actually a kid at heart.
Exhibit A: HIGH SCHOOL MUSCIAL!!!! ::jumps with glee:: (other disney is cool too...I'm listening to Hercules music right now)
Exhibit B: SNOOPY. you do anything to my snoopy and I'll get fangry. (effing angry). My room is also decorated with snoopy drawings (thanks Jeanette!), a snoopy poster, and random other little snoopy collectibles, like a tissue box cover and piggy bank.
Exhibit C: I'm fussy. hahaha. Though compared to another member of my family who shall not be named (his name starts with J and rhymes with lustin), my disposition is like that of an angel.

Anyway, it may be the case that I simply hate children because I long for my childhood days but also get annoyed at them because I feel like I have similar interests to them--but they lack the tact, maturity, and intelligence that has come to define my greatness (ahem.). They also get a lot of attnetion, and undeservedly so. So little Jonny knows how to eat with a fork. Cry me a river. Oops, I am beginning another tirade on why kids suck. I might leave that for another post. So it's just a hypothesis at this point--rather unpolished and full of holes, but I'll update you on any breakthrough developments on this!


And I now realize that this blog post has hitherto delineated my meterosexuality and my love for HSM/Disney/Snoopy. Do I find it a tiny bit necessary to clarify that I like women? Perhaps. Though it's also quite true that that is not always the case. As my good friend Bryant and I joke, "Women! Can't live with them. Can't shoot them." hahaha jk.

Second Thoughts

Maybe I don't dislike school as much as I thought I did. Break means lots of free time, which means lots of time to think. And Andrew thinking is never good news. Screw you, Descartes :)

Andrew whines.

It's a gorgeous 65 degrees outside and I can hear/see people playing basketball outside and sunbathing. But alas, I must study. whine*