Penguin Suit

I wonder who invented the tuxedo. I guess I could easily wikipedia that information, but I'm not going to so perhaps I don't really wonder about that...

But seriously, I get so annoyed every time I am forced to wear a tux. Tuxes are totally impractical, unreasonably expensive, and most importantly, unbearably hideous on 98% of guys. I mean, I don't mind dressing up--but generally I try to look good when I dress up. I have given up on tuxedos though. I don't look good in them, and I think the only way for me to change that is to start stripping it off...it might look sexy for the 30 seconds I'm removing it. Totally kidding.

The cause of this rant? A little charity-driven high-class fancy-dancy ball-type ordeal (is there a literary term for putting lots of adjectives-that-require-dashes in a row? If not do I get to patent it?) I'm going to with a friend of mine. (ohh, grammar nazi coming in. Why would I say "friend of mine"? Clearly the friend must be mine...that's just being excessively verbose. Why would anyone say that? Does it ever actually clarify the "friend"?)

The ball should be amusingly fun, watching rich people flaunt their wealth and their spoiled kids abuse it. But perhaps I'm being overly cynical and judgamental from the get-go. Let's just leave it at: "the ball should be amusingly fun." Now if only I didn't have to look like a penguin...tux with tails, white bow-tie, white vest, etcetc. Sigh* I am a bit confused about the white gloves that look like they just walked out of the last level in Super Smash Brothers. Part of me wants to dye them black to match a penguin's black flippers. This is the same part of me that wants to dawdle across the walkway thingy that I'll be escorting my friend across. Perhaps I'll also mohawk my hair to replicate this:

Or I guess I could also try being a little more dashing and look like this:


So many options! I wonder which one my friend would prefer. But hey--I was right--the tuxedo only looks sexy when it's ruffled up/about to come off.