Future Women of America

The blog has been dying, so I've decided to post something just so Andrew isn't the only one trying to resuscitate it .
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Today I was cleaning my room and lo and behold I found an old e-mail from a girl, who I almost had a relationship with. No, I'm not trying to disprove the last twenty years of solitude in my life was by my choosing. (It was merely a series of unfortunate events. Too bad this title is already taken because I really could write a series about my life.) The interesting part of the e-mail isn't what she wrote, but what Daniel and I wrote about it.

First, I should clear up why Daniel would be looking at this e-mail at all. I being at the tender age of 17 needed a mentor to help me write back an appropriate response. I needed a wise man and I thought Daniel would be an appropriate role model because as we know, Daniel has soooo much experience. (Later on, this mistake would cost me dearly by destroying my chance with another woman. But THAT is a different story.)

He and I, being the sensitive men we are, analyzed the e-mail as if it were a piece of literature. We tried to see it from the female perspective, so we might be able to figure out what she was thinking and respond accordingly. We have the subject "Us" circled trying to ascertain why she would want to choose such a personal pronoun. Maybe it was a sign of the growing union between us? We even have a misspelled "Sooo" underlined to emphasize her reluctance to leave for that summer. Needless to say, he and I studied the three lines of text for many hours to try and plot the female infrastructure.

Finally, after analyzing the text for the writer's emotional state, we finally started working on a response. We kept the vocabulary casual, but just for shock effect, we added a semi colon because we know girls love grammar buffs. Grrrrr... baby would you like to see a colon used properly? One of the initial lines was "I'll be sure to call you." Upon a second review, we scratched out "be sure to" because perhaps the language was too strong for the gentle female. The carefully constructed e-mail was completed and sent. Surely, this would enflame her passion to wait to be together again at the end of summer.

I thought I would blog about this because finding this rough draft gave me a good laugh; the hours Daniel and I used to ponder how to "properly" talk to a member of the opposite sex. In actuality, the only weak, indecisive women around were us. You want to know what happened to my potential girlfriend. That summer, she found another guy and made out with him. Later on, it turned out he was gay. There goes all those hours of sensitively constructing an e-mail. I should have tossed aside these romantic ideas and just made out with her. GAH! Oh well, at least I have hilarious memories of sitting in my '92 Camry with my friend penning down the perfect e-mail response to a girl.